Feeling Manic

Song: Fireflies Owl City



"...That planet earth turns slowly"

I needed to play the song for me to calm down.

I wanna cry as I realize that I am turning MANIC again:(

Just the thought of it pierces my heart.

I am not like this before.
But what can I do, I can only deal with my today and not the past.

It pains me so much that I don't have anyone to confide this.
It pains me that this has to happen to someone like me.
How I wish I could just tear this page off from me.
But no! I can not.

Now, I only depend on you.
I depend on you.
Please, help me.
I dont know where to go now.

the face i cant forget

There are some things which are meant to be forgiven and forgotten
There are some things that are meant to be remembered
Either way, they leave wounds
Wounds that heal
And wounds that leave scars

Life is a process, I have learned
A matter of moving on and letting go
Accepting, understanding and recognizing
Making ourselves aware of our surroundings.

I have always been an intrinsic person.
I think about things and how these things affect other things and people
I like reading people's minds
I like putting meaning into things
But one thing I learned:
Overassuming KILLS

Not that I overassumed lately
But I remember that once
We held hands together and it is as if the last,
My world stopped turning
And yet today, you are just among the special people I have met.

I am in the Life now.
I see to it that I am aware so that I may not forget who I am.
I am in the process of recognizing, understanding and accepting
Then maybe after these ups and downs, I may be able to say that,
Hey I have lived my life!

This Xmas, there is only one person I truly miss...

it's been four years since you left us
for two years, the day was meaningless
but today, we rejoice
we understand

your loss should be our gain

I love you Papa!

I truly miss you

The Now and Today

there are things which come to an end
we think it's forever but it's not
we think it's till tomorrow but it's only for today

they say, cherish every moment
live as if this is your first day on earth
be excited
be free
be the one you want to be

live as if this is your last day on earth
do everything with your best
aim for the gold

and if at the end of the day, you fail
stand up and face the world
after all, you can only get as close as you can to the ideals
in this mundane world called earth.

11:18 PM 2/23/2009
specs09

edited today

My Nurturer

There's no other way to begin a blog by dedicating this to:

My Nurturer

You hold a responsibility
A responsibility to nurture the future
The future that to you is also bleak.
Bleak as it may seem, you still hold on it.

You never thought of it before.
You never knew what it will unfold.
You never felt it.
But you now experience it.

The joys and sorrows
The hopes and disappointments
The fears and excitements
All of those you've had.

Since I was a zygote
You never left me
You could have had me pulled from yourself
But as a fetus, you nurtured me

You sang songs, read books
You ate what you want me to taste
You dreamed what you want me to think
You told me things I never thought I'd hear.

As you hear my first cry
You rejoiced.
All the pain and sufferings
Seemed to go away

Away with the years, I grew
You heard my ABCs and 123s
You thought I will never skin my knees
But whenever I do, you kiss the pain away.

Each downfall I have had
Each disappointment I may have brought
Each stained uniform I go home on
You never failed to wash away all the dirt there is.

I have ignored you all these years
I know I broke your heart
I have been a drat and a rat
But you never left me.

I left the house for that chance
The chance to know about the responsibility
The responsibility I never thought I would have
And yes, I was reminded of yours.

Now, I hear you weep
Now, I somehow feel your pain
Now, I want to do something
But I know that it will happen sometime.

In this lifetime,
I may have never thanked you enough
Enough to cover every single second
You have dedicated to us.

Mother, this I promise
I may have never been a good daughter to you
But in this lifetime,
If I am given the chance to become a mother
I will nurture my child as if it was you
Not just to attempt to repay you
But to make my child feel that I was once a child to mother like you.

I will be selfless yet loving
I will be caring yet strict
I will be responsible yet fun-loving.
With these, I hope that my child will feel a mother
A mother that is driven in fulfilling her responsibility.

You may not see that time,
But I will never forget that once in upon a time,
I have met a mother in you.

--tdeleon09
3:10 PM 7/28/2009